he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
