there was a trapeze. enough said
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
