PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
