anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
