he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
