he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
