I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
