C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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