how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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