I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
