So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
