the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
