# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
