Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
