to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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