you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
