If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
