No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He shit in the fireplace
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
