Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
