Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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