My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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