I wish i was in the wii world.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Be still, my beating vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
