Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
