college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
