Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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