I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he's gonorrhea incarnate
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
