alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
