So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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