Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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