he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
