The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just gift wrapped bread.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
