It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
