38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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