She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this will be a night to untag.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
