it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
