I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
