did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
