he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
