Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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