At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
