girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
