I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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