There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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