Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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