help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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