pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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