I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
