Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
