Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
