Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
